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Archive for the ‘Lists’ Category

Nonsense

So remember when I actually used to write blog posts? Me neither. So here’s some nonsense. You’re absolutely encouraged to steal these and make them your own, as I did.

A. Why my last relationship ended:

Well I’ve only had the one. But if it ends, it’ll be something spectacular. Most likely I’ll finally go really nuts and try to throw Lobsterface off a tall building, but I won’t be able to, because, you know, he’s all muscly and giant, so in the struggle I’ll probably fall off myself. I hope I pop like a water balloon or True Blood vampire.

B. Favourite band:
OMG YOU GUYS. I hate this question so much. I don’t have a favorite band, I have favorite songs and they change almost weekly. What I really hate is when I find a song I can’t stop listening to and I think to myself, “Self, you should look up this artist and see what else they’ve been up to.” And then everything else they’ve ever done just sucks. Ugh. Someone recommend good bands. I like catchy hooks and singable melodies. Get on that.

C. Who I like and why I like them:
I like YOU, gentle reader. Because you read my blog. Bless your heart. Also, I’m sorry.

D. Hardest thing I’ve ever been through:
Anxiety disorder is a bitch, yo. And depression lies.

E. My best friend:
Well, I have a few, but the one who’s been around the longest is brilliant and insane. I’m trying to convince her to start her own blog. I’ll keep you posted.

F. My favourite movie:
You’ve Got Mail. The world lost a treasure when Nora Ephron died this year. Also, Tom Hanks is simply adorable. And A League Of Their Own, again, because Tom Hanks is adorable.

G. Sexual orientation:
Mostly straight with a healthy helping of girl crushes.

H. Do I smoke/drink?
Depends, are you my mother and/or my doctor?

I. Have any tattoos or piercings?
I have 3 tattoos, at the moment, and 4 piercings. If I didn’t work at a conservative religious institution, I’d seriously consider getting my dimples pierced.

J. What I want to be when I get older:
A freelancer who only works on what she wants to work on, and gets paid obscenely well for it. Or the voice of a cartoon character.

K. Relationship with my parents:
Sometimes they forget I’m a grownup. It’s gotten better since I got married, though. For the most part.
But then again, sometimes I forget I’m a grownup. Like on Red Wine and Gummy Bears nights. I’m all, “WOOO! I LOVE GUMMY BEARS!” And then like, “Yes, yes, this wine does have a lovely bouquet. I do appreciate the undertones of rosewood and vanilla.”

L. One of my insecurities:
Well, one of the more dire ones includes the flatness of my butt. It’s quite concerning.

M. Virgin or not?
Not since that unfortunate incident with the…you know what? Nevermind. Nope, not a virgin.

N. Favourite place to shop?
Dick’s Sporting Goods. lolz…just kidding. I don’t know how to sports.

O. My eye colour:
Green. Like grass. Or corgi puke after he’s eaten grass.

P. Why I hate school:
You all know I’m twenty-seven, right?

Q. Relationship status as of right now:
Old-Ball-And-Chain

R. Favourite song at the moment:
Fat Bottomed Girls by Queen. I’m not even kidding, I crank that shit up and bellow.

S. A random fact about myself:
I cry for no apparent reason. Like, country songs about dads or old couples, Hallmark commercials, displays of patriotism, you name it. It’s ridiculous.

T. Age I get mistaken for:
It really depends on how I’m dressed. At work, people think I’m older, but if I’m wearing my booty shorts, I get carded trying to hire prostitutes vote.

U. Where I want to be right now:
Right between these two upstanding gentlemen. Heh, upstanding.

V. Last time I cried:
Today. Sometimes people suck. A lot.

W. Concerts I’ve been to:
I’ve been to a few, ranging from epicness like Rebecca St. James’ debut tour and Nickelback to less-awesome ones like high-school band concerts.

X. What would you do if (…)?
If you suddenly stopped talking in the middle of a sentence? I’d assume there was a werewolf behind me and duck so that it would bite you instead of me. Because I’m a GOOD FRIEND, dammit.

Y. Do you want to go to college:
No. I did that once. Unless I go back to grad school, which sometimes I think about doing. Except I’m SO lazy. Hmm.

Z. How are you?
Sad and angry but also amused by the gentle comedy of How I Met Your Mother.

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Oversharing

I’m not in the mood to write a real post tonight. My dear husband convinced me to try working out with kettle bells while my sprained foot heals enough to get back to running, and I definitely overdid things at the gym last night. It hurts to sit down. It hurts to stand up. It hurts to walk. It hurts to stand still. I’m going to try them again tomorrow, but if you don’t hear from me in a while, it means I probably died.

No it doesn’t. I’m a terrible blogger. If you don’t hear from me in a while it means I’m probably being lazy again, not blogging.

ANYHOO. I used to love those dumb surveys people would send as email chains, and then, when Our Savior Facebook came to redeem us all, share them there. And just the other day I found this gem on Tumblr. I thought about reblogging it over there, but I NEVER Tumbl. Or Tumblr. Or whatever. And I have one follower. So I’m oversharing it there. Feel free to steal it and share information about yourself that nobody really wants to know.

And here we go!

Do you have a favorite number? 
My favorite number is 8. Because H is my favorite letter of the alphabet, and H is the 8th letter.

How many goddamn chickens could you eat right now?
I could eat no chickens. I just ate a big bowl of chicken paprikash (recipe coming soon!) and I’m stuffed.

What is the mascot of every school you’ve attended?
Um. I think my elementary school’s mascot was a knight. Or a Bible. Or John Calvin. I forget.
My middle school mascot was a mustang. As in the wild horse. Not the car.
My high school’s mascot was probably a cow. I was homeschooled on a dairy farm. I kid you not. But our soccer team’s mascot was an eagle.
My community college’s mascot was a  hawk.
And my grownup college’s mascot was also a knight. Or a “raider”. I don’t know, I didn’t care what went on outside the art building.

I just set your house on fire; what one thing do you grab on your way out?
If you mean an inanimate object, I’d grab my Epiphanie Paris camera/laptop bag with all the camera/laptop equipment inside.
If you don’t, I’d grab all the furry people and run. I’d grab my husband, but I’m not entirely sure I’d be able to lift him.

Personality trait most likely to make you never talk to someone again.
Aggresive stupidity.

We all like different crap. Name one food, band and movie that you hate that everyone else seems to like.
Food: Lobster. I do not see the point. At all.
Band: Radiohead. Not liking Radiohead makes me an outcast in the graphic design community
Movie: The Godfather. And Scarface. And anything involving Nicholas Sparks. And Edward Scissorhands.

Now name one food, band and movie that everyone hates, but you like it because you’re a stupid dick.
Food: Garbage plates. Well, nobody around HERE likes them. Everyone in Rochester knows how awesome they are.
Band: I don’t hate Nickelback as much as everyone else seems to. I don’t LOVE them, but they don’t make me angry. And I still love Hanson, I don’t care that they were embarrassing even back in the ’90s.
Movie: I can’t really think of one, but this one looks like it has potential.

What social situation makes you the most uncomfortable?
When I have to talk to someone I kind of know, but with whom I have nothing in common. We’re past the “where are you from?” stage of things, but after that there’s nothing to discuss, and I’m at a loss.

Honestly, how many friends do you have that you would willingly spend a day with? If the answer is not in single digits, you are a fucking liar.
Outside my family, I have 3 friends with whom I’d willingly spend the day. But I’d have to be doing different things with all of them.

Is there anything worse than The Big Bang Theory?
ALL THE THINGS are worse than BBT. BBT is the shit.

I wanna know… have you ever seen the rain?
How much to we really SEE things? We don’t. We see light reflecting off things. So no. I have never seen the rain.

Would you rather have diarrhea 10 times per month or vomit once per month?
No indeed. I like to vomit and get it over with.

Would you be interested in spending an evening with me watching sports and eating Easy Mac?
Depends on who you are and what I want from you. I once went to see Avatar with Thomas because I was trying to get him naked.

Assuming no penalty, would you kill another human being (you can choose who)? If you say no, once again you are a fucking liar.
Absolutely. I’m too tired to get worked up enough to actually choose someone right now, but I’d totally do it.

Which Disney moment makes you cry the most because Disney is a dick of an entity that demands the death of at least one animal per movie?
The Fox and The Hound. The whole damn movie. Bambi ain’t got nothin’ on FATH.

Name one abnormal thing about your body.
I once cut my toe on a pumpkin. I don’t know if that’s specifically about my body, but my right big toenail will always be rumply because of it, so I’m counting it.

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Well! Apparently I’ve been nominated for the/a Versatile Blogger Award. I’m going to take that as a compliment, even though I don’t know if I’m “versatile” as much as I “have a short attention span” and “lack direction and/or purpose”. But anyway, thanks much to my dear friend Sassy Sass for the nomination!

And now for the Rules:

1. Thank the person who gave you this award. That’s common courtesy. (check!)

2. Include a link to his or her blog. That’s also common courtesy — if you can figure out how to do it. (check!)

3. Select 15 excellent blogs/bloggers that you’ve recently discovered or follow regularly.
Let’s see. I’m not sure I can come up with 15, but I’ll do my best.
1. Made By Rachel – Rachel was one of my advisors in college, and I’ll probably always be trying to be as cool and creative as she is.
2. Best4Ever Family – Jennie is a fabulous woman and an inspiring mama to her 4 gorgeous adopted kids. Also, she’s hilarious.
3. Le Petit Oiseau – On crafting, thrifting and mama-ing
3. Thomas Galvin – Vampires, werewolves, weaponry, sarcasm and random crap he finds on the internet
4. Kaleidoscope Cardigans – Funny lady, and my go-to for all things Corgi.
5. Terrible Minds – Author Chuck Wendig shares his twisted, profane, hilarious thoughts with the world.
6. Eggton – Salty with and a sweet tooth. Also, a dog named Thunder. Who is awesome.
7. Brooklyn Limestone – A Brooklyn limestone in progress.
8. Already Pretty – Helping you recognize your own beauty, one post at a time
9. A Practical Wedding – I found this blog while I was planning my wedding, and I stick around for the amazing life (NOT just wedding) advice and incredible community of awesome, supportive women (and sometimes even men!).
10. Privilege – Lisa is the cool, wise, savvy aunt everyone should have. And the kind of cool, wise, savvy aunt I aspire to be.
11. Young House Love – 1 young family + 1 old house = love. My bathroom sink was inspired by these guys.
12. Twillypop – She makes jewelry, homeschools 3 kids, cooks incredible food, and manages to be gorgeous all the time. If I didn’t like her so much, I’d probably hate her.
13. Smitten Kitchen – Sometimes I just spend hours clicking the Surprise Me! button and hoarding the recipes I find.
14. The Bloggess – She’s completely nuts, in the best kind of way.
15. Design Sponge – All things DIY, creative and lovely.

4. Nominate those 15 bloggers for the Versatile Blogger Award
Some of these bloggers are way too famous to probably care that I’m giving them an award, but they can just suck it. I’m kidding, you’re all awesome.

5. Finally, tell the person who nominated you 7 things about yourself.
Here we go, I’m going to try to think of 7 things that Sassy Sass doesn’t already know about me. I’m an oversharer, so this is going to be a challenge.

  • The ONLY thing under my wedding gown on my wedding day was a pair of comfy gray undies, chosen because they stay put and don’t give me a wedgie.
  • I notice, and disapprove, when wine is served in the wrong kind of glass.
  • Switzerland’s landscape is so gorgeous it literally makes me cry in amazement.
  • I’m afraid of heights, the Adirondack mountains, clowns, cankles and big fuckoff spiders.
  • I know all the words to Pretty Fly For A White Guy by The Offspring.
  •  I hate kitten heels. I don’t resent other people wearing them, but they look stupid on me.
  • I’m not a fan of chick flicks, but my favorite movie of all time is You’ve Got Mail.

So there’s that! Go forth and spread the love 🙂

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I’m constantly making resolutions, so New Year’s seems like a good time to compile all the things from the last year that I’ve thought to myself, “self, we should do this thing but we probably won’t because, let’s face it, we’re kind of lazy.” I picked twelve, because that’s how many moths there are (yes, I went to college. Be impressed.). But if the world ends in December, I’m only going to hold myself responsible for eleven of them.

And here we go!
1. wear more sparkles
Sparkly lips

2. finally make myself a damn website
technology

3. learn to make pad thai
pad thai

4. run a 5k
running with donkeys

5. maybe a 10k
10k

6. design wedding invitations for someone I don’t already know
kitty in a gown

7. wear that little black strapless dress that is now a size too small
black dress

8. be able to be able to breathe in it
corset

9. acquire a corgi puppy (one that doesn’t have a vendetta against my husband) UPDATED! 
dat ass

10. invent a signature cocktail
fire booze

11. not get pregnant
Awkward pregnancy photo

12. not run over any hobos/hookers
not running over hobos

What about you, my lovelies? Have you resolved to be a better person this year? Have you resolved to be a worse person?

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